If you could see the other side of me
by Amaz.Awes.Vert.Chall.Nerd
Summary: After the Joker drives them both insane and in love with a teen pop star, Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson are in no fit condition to take on their superhero roles. But now a new man is prepared to take on the role of Gotham's elite saviour... PLEASE RXR!
1. Chapter 1

"IF YOU COULD SEE THE OTHER SIDE OF ME! I'M FRICKIN' BATMAN BABY!!"

Alfred sighed as he heard the singing echoing down the halls of the Wayne Manor. Bruce was acting up again.

He placed the pot of Egyptian Liquorice Mint tea on the silver platter next to the dragon fruit jelly and zucchini bread. He picked up the platter and walked down the hall to the living room. As he entered he plastered a wide smile on his face.

"Hey Destiny! I brought you your tea." He placed the platter on the Hannah Montana coffee table. It had never existed before about a month ago. The amazing things money could do…

"OMG! Agent GNO, guess what!" Bruce jumped out of his Hannah Montana beanbag chair and rushed to Alfred's side, his sparkly silver shirt glittering like mad in the light from Dick's bright purple Hannah Montana lamp. He had given both Alfred and Dick Hannah Montana related nicknames ever since the… incident. Alfred was Agent GNO, Dick was Hope, and Bruce himself was Destiny.

"What is it Destiny?" Alfred asked enthusiastically.

"Hannah Montana is going to... she's going to… she…" Suddenly he broke off and stared into space. He automatically turned around and walked to the wall, dropping down to the floor beside Dick.

"…and your favourite colour, and your favourite fruit, and your favourite city in Nunavut, and your favourite brand of nail polish, and your favourite day of the year, and your favourite way to eat eggs." Dick finished his list and smile proudly at the wall he was talking to. He thought he was talking to Hannah Montana, as his condition was slightly worse than Bruce's. While he only collected Hannah Montana mementos, Dick actually thought he was talking to her every day.

But he was really only talking to a picture of her on the wallpaper.

"If this were a movie." Alfred spoke loudly to Bruce distracting him from the wallpaper.

"You'd be the right guy!" He finished, jumping up and smiling brightly at Alfred.

He smiled back. "And I'd be the best friend."

"That you fall in love with!"

"Your Egyptian Liquorice Mint tea is ready Destiny." He said kindly.

"YAY!!! TEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He raced to the coffee table and quickly poured himself a cup. He scooped up a clump of jelly and dropped it into the tea with a splash, then lifted the cup to his mouth and gulped down the whole thing.

"I added the lemon ice cubes just the way you like it Bruce."

"YAY!!" When he was finished with the tea he grabbed the zucchini bread and stuffed it in his mouth. After he swallowed, he paused for a moment and closed his eyes. Through all of that, Dick continued to stare at the wall, his face now really close and whispering softly. Alfred couldn't hear what he was saying, and didn't think he wanted to know.

Bruce's eyes shot open and he glared at Alfred.

"The seven things I hate about this tea!!" He sang out, dropping the cup to the platter and jumping up. "I thinks that it stinks, it smells gross, you gave me a lethal dose, it tastes weird, it-" Alfred tuned out the singing and gathered up the dishes.

After taking one last glance around the overly pink and purple coloured room, he walked out the door and down the long hall to the kitchen, shaking his head sadly as he went.

As he dumped the Hannah Montana dishes into the sink, he thought about how things were only a month ago, before the Joker had captured Bruce and Dick; before he had tortured them into this obsessed insanity. Forcing two superheroes to watch Hannah Montana for a week straight was simply unforgivable. Now everything they did had something to do with the girly, teenage pop star.

Alfred had even tried bringing the two grown men to meet the girl, hoping that they just might break out of their obsessed little bubble… But he didn't want to think about that incident. They said she was going to come out of the hospital any day now… Luckily, her ribs were only crushed slightly, and after 3 hours of yelling with her agents, they had kindly agreed to tell the public that she had been mauled by a herd of rogue walrus'.

He thought that Bruce and Dick had been improving slightly in the past couple of days, but today had proved him wrong. He shook his head sadly again.

As he was turning to go back to their room, his eye caught something on the front page of today's paper.

"BAT AND BIRD FLY AWAY…?"

He threw the paper in the recycling next to a pile of empty packages of Hannah Montana gummies.

"HEYYY, GET UPPPP, GET LOUDDD, START**PUMPIN' UP THE PARTY NOW!**" Alfred heard Dick and Bruce's voices singing in unison to the CD they had put in their new Hannah Montana stereo which wasn't even for sale to the general public yet, and wouldn't be for another three months.

They would never become Batman and Robin again.

He had known this since nearly the beginning, but he had never realized how it would affect Gotham City. It dawned upon him now that the city would realize their absence sooner or later. They would ask questions, and maybe figure out the truth. He had to do something about it soon.

"OMG HANNAH!!! THAT DRESS LOOKS ABSOLUTELY _FABULOUS_ ON YOU!!!" Dick screamed to his imaginary interviewee.

Alfred listened as he heard the sound of Bruce jumping up and down to the new song on the stereo. "YOU GET THE LIMO OUT FRONT! YEAH…"

Suddenly, Alfred's eyes widened. He had an idea. Just because Bruce had gone off the deep end, didn't mean that Batman had to disappear too. Maybe, if somebody else were to take his place… Somebody who knew all of his secrets… Somebody like himself…

He couldn't help but grin at the idea of taking up Bruce's role. He had always felt a small pang of jealousy whenever he had looked out the window at the bat signal, the city's way of calling their mysterious saviour to arms. He _had_ always wished that he was the one going to the rescue instead of Bruce and Dick. This was _his_ chance to shine.

Come on, he thought as the singing rang down the halls, if a couple of insane, obsessive men could save the city, why couldn't he do it too?

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**A/N: Hi!!! I was feeling random! and me and my sister had too much sugar!!!! :D  
I got the idea for this one day when I was blowdrying my hair... and VOILA!  
REVIEW pretty please with a zucchini on top!?!?! Should I continue this?  
I probably will anyways cause its so fun to write, but I just want to know if y'all like it or not?**


	2. Chapter 2

Alfred pushed the button and watched as the glass tube holding the bat suit slowly revolved and rose out of the floor of the bat cave. He took a breath and opened the glass door. The suit seemed so ominous to him. Would he fit into it? There was only one way to find out!

"TAI CHI PRACTICING, SNOW BOARD CHAMPION, I CAN FIX THE FLAT ON YOUR CAR! I MIGHT EVEN BE A ROCKSTAR!" Even deep underground in the bat cave, the music blasting from Bruce's stereo could be heard.

Alfred unhooked the suit, but as soon as he did, fell to the ground like a rock.

"Ow." His voice echoed back to him in the empty cave.

It had looked so light on Bruce! How was he supposed to wear it when he could hardly lift it? Oh well, how he did it didn't matter, as long as he did it. He was suddenly filled with new determination. He was going to take Bruce's role as Batman, no matter what it took

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Catwoman slid her nail into the lock, carefully picking it open. She smiled as the final click sounded from within the lock, and then the door was open. She silently slipped into the darkness of the jewellery store.

When she got inside she gazed hungrily at the glass counters full of precious jewels. She was so busy doing this that she forgot all about disarming the alarm system. The police were already on their way.

She hurried to the first counter and broke it open without even noticing what was inside. All that mattered is that it was sparkly, beautiful, and valuable. She slipped a small gold diamond ring around her finger and stared at it. Her eyes sparkled greedily.

It was so beautiful…

As Catwoman stole the precious jewels inside, Batman... err… Alfred had finally made it to rooftop above. When he dropped from the rope he gasped in exhaustion. How did Bruce do this every single day! It was so tiring! And he hadn't even fought the criminal yet! He collapsed onto the roof, fighting to get his breath.

When he finally got up, Catwoman had completely emptied the store and was making her way out the back door. Alfred jumped to the ground below, his cape flying out behind him. He hadn't been expecting it to be so high and screamed and shut his eyes, waiting to hit the ground.

He fell flat on his face.

Catwoman stared as the dark figure fell from the roof right in front of her screaming and flailing around as it went. She was too stunned to say anything.

"Ow." He muttered. Suddenly realizing that she was standing in front of him, he jumped to his feet (a rather slow jump, but still a jump). He straightened his mask and then shot out his hand in front of him, palm facing forward. He rearranged his face, hoping desperately that it showed something menacing.

"Stop villain! I am Batman! You…" He pointed his finger in her face. "You are a very bad person. Shame on you!"

Catwoman just continued to stare blankly at him.

"Umm… Fear me?" He tried weakly.

She laughed. "You think I'm stealing this stuff?"

"Umm…Well…Yeah. You have all those jewels in your hand, and you have a costume on, and the alarm is going off. So, ya know… I just..." He stammered. He looked down at his gloved hands.

"Well for your information I own this store! So before you go around making assumptions, mister, please think!" She poked him hard in the chest so he fell over into a pile of garbage cans.

"Ow." He muttered again and looked up. "Umm… I'm sorry, I... I didn't… I just…" He stuttered again.

"You better be!" She was stunned that Batman had even believed her. Normally, he would have had her in cuffs by now. Hmm… Something was different about him; she just couldn't put her finger on it.

She stomped away down the alleyway, waiting for Batman to catch up to her any second, but strangely he didn't.

She ran to her car, threw the jewels on the passenger seat and raced the car away down the road past the police coming towards her. "Suckers!" She whispered through her smile.

Back in the alleyway, the very confused Alfred was dusting himself off when he spotted something glittering on the pavement. He looked closer and realized it was a diamond. That woman had dropped it!

His eyes widened. He grabbed the jewel and rushed to the road.

"Hey! Wait! You forgot your-" Her car was already half a block away. "diamond…" He looked down dejectedly at his hand but then his face rose in determination. He wasn't going to let the nice woman lose something so valuable, not when there was a robber on the loose!

He searched his belt and found the keys to his batmobile and groaned. He could have taken it the whole time, instead of jumping from rooftop to rooftop all the way here.

Ignoring the temporary anger he felt, Alfred got in the car and started it. He pressed down the gas pedal very gently with the tip of his toe and it shot forward down the street after the woman. The speed pressed him back against the seat.

He easily passed Catwoman and screeched to a stop in front of her. She slammed on the brakes, gathered up the jewels and scrambled to get out of the car.

At the same time, Alfred had gotten out of the batmobile and was running after her.

"Wait! M'am! Wait! You dropped this!" He reached out to grab her shoulder and tripped over the edge of the sidewalk, falling forward and knocking her to the ground. Diamonds spilled across the sidewalk.

"Oh! My dear! I'm so sorry!" He scrambled to his feet and grabbed her arm to pull her up too.

Suddenly, they were both bathed in the bright headlights of the police cruisers.

Commissioner Gordon opened the car door.

"Good job. Batman! We thought you had left us for a while there! Where have you been?" He smiled at Alfred, who was extremely confused right about now. "Wait, no, explanations can wait. The main thing is that you captured Catwoman yet again! I knew you could do it!" He patted Alfred on the back, who was still frozen, halfway pulling the struggling Catwoman to her feet.

"I…" He didn't know what to say.

"Ah, no need to say anything my friend. I'm just glad you're back! We all are." He gestured to the rest of the police, (who were pulling Catwoman away from Alfred and squashing her in the back of nearest cruisers) and the buildings around them. He patted Alfred on the shoulder again and walked away towards them.

The nice lady (well to Alfred she was a nice lady, to everyone else in the world she was a villain) hissed at the police and struggled to free herself from their grasp, as he continued to stare in utter confusion.

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**A/N: Hey! Chapter 2! Not really as good as the first in my opinion... but oh well!**

**PLEASE REVIEW!! I'm only posting the next chapter if I get some reviews here people! lol I need to know what you think! :P**

**I love you guys! :)**


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